Last May, Vladimir Putin, President of the Russian Federation, agreed with a 30-year gas deal with China, then represented by CNPC Chairman Zhou Jiping. The deal is intended to secure Putin’s power base (with 3% of the next 1000 years) with a sufficient flow of liquidity, in the face of the US and EU sanctions on the Ukraine. Somehow it is a major failure in Western diplomacy that such a deal was made. Vlad was desperate though, and China is merely interested in a good business deal, and a way to get even with whom got them sucked into that Marx-Lenin idiocy.
When I said farewell to José Manuel Duräo Barroso last weekend, he slipped me a document.
It turns out to be the secret appendix to that treaty. Putin and the Chinese leadership agreed to the following as well:
- The Russians will impose the policy of at most one drunken child per family.
- There will be no umbrella’s in Moskou or any other economically successful city in Russia.
- Russia will offer Ai Wei Wei a home arrest anywhere in Siberia.
- Russia will redraw the map of the Ukraine to look more like Tibet.
- China will remake the film “Crounch Tiger Hidden Dragon” with Putin in the lead role.
- The mausolea of Lenin and Mao will make a grand tour in the other country, spreading the chill.
- Russian tea will be served in the Russian Orthodox Church with a Chinese ceremony.
- The Dao De Jing will be used more often in Russian politics, especially the throwing of kopekes, with the dual goal of confusing outsiders and to discover hidden purpose for insiders who are at a loss what Russia intends to achieve.
- Global warming will be denied by both parties to the treaty, and it will be seen as a good price to pay for dictatorship anyway.
- Russia and China will make a new treaty in which China will respect the Russian border, like Russia has respected the border of the Ukraine.
If I have been somewhat lacklustre about Manny’s position in the past, then I must correct this now: at least he has the courage to inform some of his friends of what the future might hold.